Dear Great Aunt Maggie Pye,

 Early evening Ash Wednesday I was walking rapidly across a parking lot from my car when I stubbed my toe on a pothole and fell forward face first into another pothole. After several stiches in a now swollen upper lip and several miscellaneous scratches, I got home from the emergency room and my wife asked "What happened?" "I tried impersonating a tire." I replied.

 Yours truly,
Your Nephew