Dear Nephew,

Thanks for sending me your clippings about Alan Keys.

 I see your Republicans have swapped a sex-scandal candidate for a holy-rolling carpetbagger.

 The consensus around here is Keys’ was sent to your state by Bush & Company. He got their blessing for his stance on abortions (none at all), guns (let ’em shoot it out), and God (Prime Minister to Bush).

 I’m surprised Bush & Co. chose Illinois as the next place to wage their holy war against American sinners. Thought you Midwesterners were better people than that and really deserved someone like Obama :-)

 Yours Truly,
Great Aunt Maggie Pye